trouble with dreams

trouble with dreams is you never know
when to hold on and when to let go

[...]

trouble with dreams is you can't pretend
something with no beginning has an end


eels, blinking lights and other revelations (2005)

Ditto memories.

One reason I'd came up with as to why I should look forward to flying home was meeting up with old friends - some of whom I haven't seen in three or more years.

But, last night, I suddenly remembered why that didn't feel like a good reason: I'd been looking forward to meeting up with the old friends who are fossilized in the amber of my memory, not who they have become and who they are now.

That had been the reason I didn't meet up with many of them when I'd spent my past summer vacations on the Island - I'd already realized my mistake then.

There is nothing worse than spending an awkward hour of stilted conversation with someone you had once upon a time spent innumerable hours on the phone with and still couldn't bear to put the phone down; nothing more painful.

I wouldn't dare contact most of them anyway. They all have their own lives and circles of friends ... from which I'm excluded.

It's going to be tough: it'll be like starting all over again. And at my age, it's more than difficult to do that. I think the older people get, the more firmly cemented their social lives and ways. Trying to break into a circle of friends established since ... I don't know - their junior college days, or even some time earlier - would be an uphill climb.

Shod in roller-blades.

Carrying a ten-kilo backpack.

Wearing a soaked denim wetsuit.



trouble with dreams and memories is i never let go
thus i am to be forever haunted by them so