Little Ms. Insufferably Obnoxious Bitch
My Dad invited two of his sisters over for lunch; one because her daughter has just came back to Singapore for her summer vacation, and the other because, well, she lives in the next block across what I call 'a canal' but has been named the Siglap Park Connector. (A canal by any other name, as Shakespeare might've said, would smell as bad ...)
If today were a preview of what the Lunar New Year (extended) family gathering is going to be like, I'd better start learning to shut the fuck up and keep my opinions to myself - especially if I were going to say things like:
It gets worse. When my cousin was questioned by my other aunt about life in Perth and Oz, my aunt held up today's newspaper report on the homeless and asked if there were as many homeless people on the streets in Perth as there are in London. Then she went on about how, when she'd visited London, really bad it was, and she was terrified of taking the tube in the night because of the homeless (all of whom were apparently "drug addicts and drunks"), finally concluding that it is so much better in Singapore.
At that point, I pointed out, "There are homeless people in Singapore too."
And she said, "Yes, there are homeless people in Singapore too, but at least you don't see them lying around on the streets ..."
Before I could help myself, I retorted, "So you're saying you know these people exist [in Singapore] but would prefer not to see them?"
That, basically, brought the conversation to an abrupt halt. My aunt kept quiet for a taut moment, staring at the newspaper report. Finally, my other aunt broke the silence with a new conversational topic.
Yes, I was Little Ms. Insufferably Obnoxious Bitch most of the afternoon (or whenever I had something to say and said it), although I'd occasionally let her alter-ego, the Little Incoherent Which-World-Is-She-Living-In Girl, come out to play.
Had I been knee-level tall, someone would've brought me over their knees and spanked me till I screamed bloody murder.
But since I'm taller than either of my aunts, they left me be.
I have no social graces whatsoever. With the rellies, I'm too brusque, too unintelligible; and my friends shush me because I apparently speak too loud when the conversational topic is 'sensitive' and 'taboo', and I exercise no subtlety (because I in fact have none) when it is called for.
However, I've been thinking: if I honed my insufferable obnoxiousness to its most insufferable and obnoxious, maybe my parents would finally let me hole up in - or maybe they'd even lock me in! - my room when the rellies troop over for Lunar New Year next year.
Joy!
(I knew there would be a silver lining to being a total social pariah.)
(23:13 SGT)
If today were a preview of what the Lunar New Year (extended) family gathering is going to be like, I'd better start learning to shut the fuck up and keep my opinions to myself - especially if I were going to say things like:
"Instead of investing in expensive cuts of meat, maybe you should invest in a cookbook so your kids would eat more ..."
"You don't discipline your children ..."
"Singapore doesn't have enough land for more breeding ..." (This, to a woman who had birthed a brood of three.)
It gets worse. When my cousin was questioned by my other aunt about life in Perth and Oz, my aunt held up today's newspaper report on the homeless and asked if there were as many homeless people on the streets in Perth as there are in London. Then she went on about how, when she'd visited London, really bad it was, and she was terrified of taking the tube in the night because of the homeless (all of whom were apparently "drug addicts and drunks"), finally concluding that it is so much better in Singapore.
At that point, I pointed out, "There are homeless people in Singapore too."
And she said, "Yes, there are homeless people in Singapore too, but at least you don't see them lying around on the streets ..."
Before I could help myself, I retorted, "So you're saying you know these people exist [in Singapore] but would prefer not to see them?"
That, basically, brought the conversation to an abrupt halt. My aunt kept quiet for a taut moment, staring at the newspaper report. Finally, my other aunt broke the silence with a new conversational topic.
Yes, I was Little Ms. Insufferably Obnoxious Bitch most of the afternoon (or whenever I had something to say and said it), although I'd occasionally let her alter-ego, the Little Incoherent Which-World-Is-She-Living-In Girl, come out to play.
Had I been knee-level tall, someone would've brought me over their knees and spanked me till I screamed bloody murder.
But since I'm taller than either of my aunts, they left me be.
I have no social graces whatsoever. With the rellies, I'm too brusque, too unintelligible; and my friends shush me because I apparently speak too loud when the conversational topic is 'sensitive' and 'taboo', and I exercise no subtlety (because I in fact have none) when it is called for.
However, I've been thinking: if I honed my insufferable obnoxiousness to its most insufferable and obnoxious, maybe my parents would finally let me hole up in - or maybe they'd even lock me in! - my room when the rellies troop over for Lunar New Year next year.
Joy!
(I knew there would be a silver lining to being a total social pariah.)
(23:13 SGT)
posted by s at 04:13
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