That Selfish Bitch

This entry was going to be about me: about how the frustration of not living in Welly, not living on my own, and how the world at large doesn't seem to get my hint and leave me the hell alone (and etc., etc., etc.), has finally caught up with me and is now feasting on my being.

Yeah ... this entry was going to be about that selfish bitch.

That selfish bitch who refused to answer her cellphone yesterday and today because she didn't feel "up to it", bcause she was "not ready yet".

Well, fuck you, you selfish bitch. You're a horrible horrible horrible friend.

This entry is going to be about how I'm so fucking selfish I refused to answer the call of a friend who needed help; how I always think I'm never ready for anything, never strong enough for anyone, never quite balanced enough to take on anything or anyone ... It's always all about me, me, me, isn't it?

Enough's enough.

The world will never be secure or safe enough for me; I will never be strong or balanced enough for it - because I've never wanted to be responsible for and to anyone or anything; because I've always been terrified of being pulled into and tied down by taut and entangled emotional webs, preferring, instead, to drift around aimlessly.

Well, fuck me.



Tomorrow, if he calls, I will answer.