Running In The Hamster Wheel

It's occurred to me, these past couple of days, that maybe I'm really not just plain lazy and terrified of commitment - the two reasons I am working part time for one job, and freelancing in my other.

Maybe other than laziness and a phobia of long-term commitments, I am just unwilling to give up more hours that could be meant for quiet ME time than I have to.

Than I feel I can afford to.

It doesn't matter how much smaller an income I'm getting (compared to my peers); all that matters is the amount of time I have to myself.

Because it is during these ME hours that I have a chance to just sit and breathe and think - let my mind wander meander without a concrete purpose, or run wild; because it is during these ME hours that I come up with something to scribble or doodle.

It has to do with satisfaction and a sense of achievement. Doodling and scribbling give me that, even if I'm not good at either and the end-products suck duck eggs; the things I do for money don't.

Someday, or in a perfect world, I would be able to do something that pays me in equal parts satisfaction, sense of achievement, and money; but for now, it is an impractical dream that keeps me running in the hamster wheel of practical reality.

And the hamster wheel will never stop turning.