What I Did Not Learn As An Arts Student

(a.k.a. I Cannot Possibly Be Making This Up

G. (name withheld to protect the innocent - and, by Goddess, is she innocent, or what) is eighteen going on nineteen, fresh out of junior college.

s, a sad old fart, is far too old to be completely innocent, but likes to think of herself as 'virginal'.)

G.:
I finally found out how lesbians have sex.

s:
Did your research, eh?

G.:
Yeah, but I don't understand the dildo. What's the point? It doesn't have semen.

s:
(thinks: huh-what-the-fuck-huh-huh-huh?!)
... and ...?

G.:
Then how can you have an orgasm?

s:
(thinks: huh-what-the-fuck-huh-huh-huh?!)
Where did you learn this from?!

G.:
That's what my biology teacher said.
(Pause.)
I think she's still a virgin.

:::
Epilogue:
s blames her own ignorance and misguided knowledge of the mystery of the female orgasm on not having ever taken biology in school; she hadn't realize lesbians do not have orgasms, and is now considering a career in sperm bank robberies.