A Badly Scratched CD

When I have the time and the inclination to, I like playing the This Day [...] Years Ago game. It basically entails the (re)reading of old journal and blog entries.

So.

This day last year, I had posted a short note on Realizations, which concluded: "i realize i have many realizations but can never remember all of them, so it is very likely that i'm getting the same ones over and over and over again."

Reading through the short list of thirteen things I'd realized, I realize I've recently re-realized:

• i realize i do get what i wish for, but whenever i get my wishes granted, i can never remember why i had made such wishes in the first place, and would then wish i never made such wishes.


• i realize that makes me an ingrate.


• i realize i haven't really stopped lying because withholding the whole truth and letting on only parts i deem tellable is still not being truthful.


• i realize i haven't stopped running away.


• i realize i can't be pursuing anything at all if i'm always on the run.

I feel like I'm a badly scratched CD in the CD player, maddeningly stuck repeating the same bit of tune, the same few words.

Even I am sick of listening to myself.