Without & Within

Without:
This entire week, the day always starts off all sun and shine but ends in thunder and storm.

Within:
This entire week, my day starts out dull and dreary and ends in dry comfort and warm security.

1)
The whole of last evening right up to this morning, I've been contending with a "but I still haven't found what I'm looking for" restlessness and discontent, which refuse to dissipate despite my exhaustion.

2)
This is one of those days - or, it has evolved into one of those days - you know: the ones in which, as you stand at the traffic light waiting for it to turn green, you fantasize about walking straight into the oncoming traffic around a blind corner.

3)
I'm not sure if it is the moodswings returning or just plain fatigue - or if it is fatigue and the moodswings it triggered. I don't think I'm depressed or sad; just quiet (or, even more quiet than usual), slow to react and respond (if at all), and (even more) resentful of having to interact.

I'd gone from fuck-it-and-fuck-you obnoxiousness to [leave-me-alone-i'm-not-really-here-at-all] catatonic numbness.

4)
We prolly made a curious pair: him, quiet and prudent with his words and gestures (if any at all); me, almost theatrical in pitch and gestures. Mostly, he sat and listened to me, and made intermittent comments. I chatted on and on because with him, the silence made me uncomfortable.

I will never feel comfortable around WJ, but I always enjoy conversation with him (he began talking more towards the end of our meeting). After our lunch and chat, he said (apropos Alvina's comments), "Maybe you should really go and see a shrink."

Somehow, I think it'll be really cool if he could sit down and study Mr. P. one day. If anybody can out-observe and out-analyze Mr. P., it is WJ.

5)
When I got on the bus at Victoria Street, the rain had stopped.

When I got off the bus at Joo Chiat Place, the rain had just begun.